Blog

The Beginning

It was on a bike ride recently that I came to understand something really foundational to myself.

Here it is:

  • People pay me to manage projects of transition, and to think strategically. They pay me to move them forward toward something. I am very good at this – seeing future possibilities and good ways to achieve these future possibilities.
  • I talk lots about things like learning to focus on the here-and-now, and learning to really experience “the present moment”, but I am really lousy at it.
  • I have a very “addictive” personality, and this leads me to become very passionately involved in “hobbies” in my life.

So, the above facts sort-of bounced around in my brain for years, and I kept them very separate from each other. My life continued to roll frantically down a path that kept me always focused on the things that people pay me to do well, while at the same time deep inside I realized that I needed to get better at living in the moment. These things seemed very much at odds with one-another, but I never really thought much about it.

It was that third fact that would join the two pieces together, though it took a bike ride on a beautiful Colorado Autumn day to allow my brain to let that fusion occur.

Here is the scene:

I was 45 minutes or so into a ride. It is a common ride – one that I take often. I call it the Crowfoot ride, since it follows a road called Crowfoot Valley Road for much of the ride. It is perfect in that it is slightly uphill for the first 10 minutes or so, then starts to slant more and more upward, until finally it climbs at a nice steep pace for 10 or 15 minutes. Then it flattens quite a bit, but still uphill, for another 5 – 10 minutes. Then you turn around, and head back, and the joy begins as a reward for all the work to this point. I head south going out and up, then turn back north for the ride home. So, this is the perfect ride when there is a south wind. On this day, there was a wonderful south wind.

I had worked really hard all the way out. After making the turn and heading back, it became an easy 25 MPH ride along the ridge with a tailwind. This is such joy for a bike rider – a nice tailwind. I hit the steep downhill, tucked, and flew down at 45 MPH+, letting the bike slow to 30 MPH as the hill decreased.

My G-d, I thought, what is it that I love so much about this? Pure clarity, nothing else on my mind, wonderful ideas popping in occasionally to be mulled around in the idea polisher of my little brain.

And right then, the realization crystallized like a bright shining stone falling out of the polisher. All of my “passions” had this thing in common – they allowed me to focus completely on the thing that I was doing, and within that focus and presence, a joy and peace seeped out and surrounded me with a feeling that I longed for in my life. Those were the moments when the magic presented itself.

The June Garden

June – the summer transition month.

Our seasons this year seem to have been delayed by a couple of weeks, though maybe this is just my perception based on a winter that seemed colder and longer than usual. I am certain that this perception has nothing whatsoever to do with another years worth of sand having passed through the hourglass of my life’s clock…

Depending on how warm June turns out to be, it is possible that it could still be an excellent month for planting perennials. Any spaces that need some extra color and punch during the summer would appreciate the planting of annuals as soon as possible in the month, and the space will reward you with color for the rest of the summer.

Pruning tasks in June

  • Lilacs should be pruned as soon as they finish blooming. They are a robust plant that often likes to be pruned, and can be pruned to a variety of forms. If you have a mature one in the right spot, try pruning it more like a tree, keeping all of the suckers and lower branches pruned back, leaving a few arching trunks to grow tall. This only works well on the taller varieties, like the common lilac and Canadian lilacs.
  • Other flowering shrubs – generally, flowering shrubs should be pruned back as soon as they are done flowering in the spring.
  • Trees for shape and health

 

Perennials to divide in June

  • When the iris are done blooming, they can be dug and divided. Dig the rhizome clumps, and carefully pull them apart into individual plants. Use something like grass trimmers to cut the tops back into a fan shape or v shape about 4” to 6” tall. Plant the individual plants so that the top of the rhizome is right at the surface of the ground.
  • Daylilies can be divided anytime, but right after blooming is an excellent time that allows you to enjoy this year’s bloom.

Other June tasks

  • Keep pond pH down to a healthy range.
  • Early June is still not too late to plant summer lilies (like Asiatic), though if they are planted as bulbs, they will likely not flower until next year.
  • Remove spent flowers from all plants, and remove spent stalks from plants like iris and daylily.
  • Fertilize for summer growth.

 

Prairie Voice – Part 4

As I moved quietly through the moonless darkness, I could hear the tiny creaks and movements within to woods on my right, and I could feel the arms of the open prairie on my left. In the darkness, when you have surrendered to the world that you are moving through, it is as-though you can feel that world reaching out and exploring your soul – reaching inside of you to find what is there – exposing you and testing you. When it first happens, it is unnerving, but with each moment in surrender, it seems that both you and the little piece of world that you have surrendered to fall deeper and deeper into harmony and comfort.

I reached the tree that held my stand in its branches. It is not possible to be very quiet climbing into a tree, so this was the point in my morning trek where I could imagine any animals in the area looking my way, wondering what it was that was climbing into the tree in the darkness. Pulling my bow and pack up into the tree once I was in my stand, I settled into the familiar and comfortable position of resting, my bow across my lap with an arrow nocked. I occasionally used the antlers at my feet to rattle a bit, or sometimes would let a soft grunt float into the silence, but for the most part, I let myself find quiet.

And I listened.

I listened to my heart, as it slowed further and further. I could hear the sound of the blood pulsing through the arteries with each beat, becoming less loud as my pulse and blood pressure both declined. I could feel the thoughts in my mind begin to try and push their way into my immediate consciousness, and I resisted this by staying tightly tuned to listening.

My stand was in the branches of a tree that stood apart from the hedgerow beside it, close to the end where the hedgerow opened up into the prairie. At the very end of that hedgerow was a place that bucks commonly thought was prime real estate. There were many strong and fresh rubs there this year, as well as a lot of other sign indicating heavy traffic through the area. My stand was placed to watch that spot where the hedgerow opened up into the prairie and the rubs were thick. I was looking east, so the winter sun would rise in front of me and a little to the right.

I had been in the stand for long enough to have cooled down completely. I had rattled and grunted a few times, but had not heard anything that made me think that anyone was interested. Then, out of nowhere, I heard a twig snap in the woods 30 yard to my right.

Prairie Voice – Part 3

The dance between Venus and the Moon first became visible to me at the horizon as the first hints of dawn began to warm the eastern sky. By that time, I had been sitting in my tree-stand for long enough to feel the cold in my toes, and the site of Venus and the Moon helped me to feel some added warmth begin to move from my soul into my body. I had begun my morning well before dawn, letting Colin out for a quick constitutional, and putting him back in the camper for the morning. After slipping into my hunting clothes outside of the camper, I picked up my bow from its special place, and began the slow and silent walk toward my stand. It was less than a mile to walk to my stand, but in the deep darkness of a night with no moon up yet, and with my desire to move silently, the walk probably took 45 minutes or so.

There is a path that I follow to that tree-stand when it is dark. It isn’t the most direct route, but it is the most quiet. The soil is sandy, and it is possible to pick out the lighter sandy path from the darker prairie grass even on the darkest of nights. As I had moved along the path – walking slowly and quietly – I enjoyed the absolute stillness that is so magical about that time of the day. The path follows an old tree-row for most of the way, and I could hear small movements within the tree row – sometimes a leaf falling through the branches, sometimes a tiny twig beneath the foot of a raccoon.

I rarely use a light in the darkness. An artificial light in the wilderness just screams to the wildlife that a human is present. If I used a light, by the time that I arrived at my hunting spot, every animal within half a mile would be notified of my exact location. In addition, the light from the flashlight would prevent my eyes from adjusting to the darkness, so that when I eventually did turn the light off, my eyes would need to take the time to adjust before they were of any use at all to me. In case of emergency, I have a light that I can use, but I don’t recall the last time that I used it when moving through the nighttime wilderness.

There is a greater reason, though, that I don’t want a light at night. It has to do with why I am even here – why I am walking across the prairie on a chilly morning, carrying a bow, walking softly and quietly. It has to do with why I take such care to control the human scent that is part of me, why I choose to spend this time with solitude on the Prairie.

Many people equate “hunting” with “killing something”. Most non-hunters do this I think, but frankly, I know hunters who do this as well. For me, it is certainly likely that the hunting process will result in meat in my freezer, but this is not why I hunt, and the “killing” is not where I find my joy.

For me, the hunting process is my surrender to my rightful place in this earthly ecos. It is about becoming part of a balance that is much older and much wiser than the technically advanced, climate controlled, risk reduced world that generally surrounds me. It is about coming into a harmony with where I have been placed in this universe, and from that place of more perfect Harmony, I can feel myself more completely within The One.

When done well, hunting finds me leaving behind all that is human reason, and finding deep within myself the wisdom that is a part of the little sphere of earth that I place myself within. It finds me accepting my place as a predator high on the food chain, and accepting as well the responsibility that comes with that place on the food chain. It finds me spending the time to learn how the other animals move in this little sphere of earth, and how many they are, and how healthy they are. It finds me choosing which animal to take, and whether to take an animal. It finds me realizing that when meat ends up in my freezer, it should end up there as a result of a gift that is exchanged between hunter and hunted, and that taking the meat without receiving the gift and blessing the exchange is a blasphemy.

Surrender – a funny word. Sometimes the path to strength and wisdom can only be found through surrender. In surrendering myself to my small place in this little sphere, and in leaving my human ego back at the doorstep of the civilization that I left behind, I am able to find my Self and my Place. And it feels good and right.

And a flashlight disturbs that goodness and that rightness.

Prairie Voice – Part 2

The vastness of the prairie sky at night creates the window into The Infinite with which few people feel comfortable. The stillness required to allow that Infinite to creep into your soul is something with which even fewer people feel comfortable. While we profess to want closeness and connection with G-d, we eschew the very things that could facilitate what we say we want. It seems to me that this is a result of our modern world. I want to believe that when cultures are more comfortable with the magic in the world around them, that they feel more at ease with the Vastness and the Stillness.

This morning, I watched Venus dance with the Moon. It is a monthly dance, occurring in the early morning or early evening hours when Venus happens to be out, and the cycle of the Moon happens to put him somewhere close to Venus. It is a timeless dance – Venus and the Moon.

This morning, Venus and the Moon brushed close to one-another as they took their spin on the celestial dance-floor. I watched them as I sat in a tree-stand before dawn, and watched as the morning light washed the darkness from the night sky. For a while, they were framed perfectly in the cradle of the Cottonwoods above me – smiling at each other as they enjoyed the moment that passed between them…

Prairie Wind

The Spirit of the South Wind was feisty and strong yesterday on the Prairie. Was there some pent-up anger that she held for the Spirit of the North I wonder, as she accosted him all afternoon with a relentless fury rolling across the flat top of Kansas?

The lush green of this year’s new grass held tightly to the ancient prairie soil, as the faded red and brown remnants of last year’s grass above it was bent and assaulted all day by the fury of the south. The depth and density of the new green pushing up from below takes me by surprise each year, no matter how many springs I watch it happen. While still clothed in the rusty and earthy colored dress that she wears each winter, the prairie is beginning to accessorize herself with the rich spring wardrobe that pushes aside her beautiful winter dress each year at this time.

There were few small birds out above the prairie grass – negotiating movement to the south in the relentless tide of wind was too much work. The Harriers were out though, floating across the sea of wind with mastery, slowly picking their way low across the prairie toward the south in search of unsuspecting prey, or racing toward the north as-if riding a monster wave of wind on a surfboard, only to turn and make another meticulous path across the tops of the grass.

Like the tumbleweeds that fly across the prairie ahead of the wind, our thoughts and emotions are just manifestations of that invisible force that rules the prairie I suppose. There is a power that moves us that is beyond our ability to see. Try and stand too firmly, and the prairie wind will break us. Learn to bend with the wind, and we will survive. Learn to use the wind as the ocean of our paradise, and like the Harrier, we will prosper.

Prairie Voice – Part 1

Few things in the universe can be as vast as a clear night sky flowing without end, spilling over the distant horizons of the western Kansas prairie. The depth of the universe, and your insignificance within it, become starkly clear in the endless sea of stars – stars so thick that they almost feel oppressive. Intellectually, we all know that the universe is a pretty big thing, and that our place within it is pretty small, but resting in the cool autumn prairie evening gives you a window into that universe that you just can’t find anywhere else.

At least I haven’t found anyplace else where that window opens itself. As often as I have been on the prairie and felt that window, it still takes my breath away each time that it happens. It feels as though my soul is reaching and digging for some new set of senses – something bigger than sight and sound and smell and touch – with which to connect through this vast window that opens up out there where the sky is big.

Tonight is going to be that sort of a night – a night that The Universe pours itself into my soul through the window of a vast Kansas sky. It isn’t yet dark, but I can feel the window opening around me. The still November air is unseasonably warm at around 50 degrees. Sitting in an open field, resting my back against an ancient wooden fencepost, I find myself listening again for the Voice of The Infinite spoken in the language of the prairie evening as she begins to whisper.

On my lap, my old dog Colin rests his head, sleeping soundly. It has been an afternoon spent in heaven for him, trotting across the prairie looking for birds to point and fetch. We ended up with 3 quail out of 2 coveys, and they will make both breakfast in the morning, and dinner later tonight if I feel like fixing it. His age is showing, as he sleeps deeply after the workout. But then, I suppose that my age shows just as clearly, though in ways that I am not ready to see yet.

Earlier this afternoon, when Colin and I finished our hunting, we stopped by the camper to put the birds in the cooler, and leave the shotgun behind. We walked out to this spot with a nice view of the sunset, and sat quietly as the day began that quiet transformation – watching the day recede while night approaches through evening.

There are whitetail deer now in the prairie and alfalfa around me. They have moved out of their daytime shelters, and have begun to feed. I watched a group of them standing still at the edge of the field – that place where the shelter of a group of trees meets the prairie. They watched there for a while – assuring themselves that there was not danger in the meadow beyond – then one doe stepped out into the field, took several steps, and started to feed. The rest of the group stayed in the cover of the trees and watched, to see if anything took interest in the lone doe feeding in the field. Once convinced that danger was not near, they all moved out into the field, and began to make their way across the prairie grass toward the stand of sweet alfalfa that they love so much.

Such is the way of that daily transformation of day into night. Things happen slowly, and around the edges, one step at a time. If you aren’t paying attention, you can miss those dainty steps that are occurring in that movement from the shelter of daylight into the meadow of the night. If you aren’t paying attention, you look around, and realize that it is almost dark.

One minute you see an open field, then the next it seems that the deer have appeared out of no-place. One minute it is light and comfortable, then next it is nearly dark, and you feel fearful and uneasy at the transformation that occurred while you were not paying attention.

 

World Hunger – Solution or Problem?

Did I hear it right yesterday – that Bush is suggesting that we spend $750 million of taxpayer money to help the hungry in the world? I don’t have any details – just heard the headline.

This sure sounds good – makes a good soundbite – but is it possible that we really want to do this?

Let me understand the lay of the land with regard to what we do as a nation to impact food supply around the world:

  • The government takes my tax money, and subsidizes farmers to not grow food, in order to try and keep food prices higher.
  • The government keeps food prices higher by controlling trade with higher prices as a goal, taking yet more of my money.
  • The government takes my tax money, and subsidizes the use of food crops to create ethanol. This uses the tax money I give to them to subsidize something that I don’t believe in, with the result being higher food prices that I must pay at the store.
  • I haven’t even gotten into the subsidies that they pay to the big agricultural firms and the big oil firms, all combining to continue the cycle of high prices that they have created.
  • I haven’t even gotten into the moral implications of our habits and practices in this country with regard to how we produce and consume food.

I could go on, but from a purely fiscally conservative perspective, it would appear that the government uses a lot of MY money that they take from me in the form of taxes, and they use this money to ASSURE that food prices remain high, and that food availability around the world remains low. Then they want to act as though this is a problem that they want to solve, and of course, their solution to the problem is to take yet more of my tax money and throw it at the problem.

This is absurdity. What takes it from absurdity to the realm of moral crime is that they will most likely assure that most of this tax money of yours and mine that they say that they want to use to solve this problem will most likely go right into the pockets of the big agricultural firms to assure that the problem continues, rather than into programs and policies that might actually encourage independence on the part of poor regions of the world.

Can someone find a more clear example of moral bankruptcy?

Rhythm Beneath May-Day Snow

Sitting in front of my office window is an old Jade plant. He waits patiently for the long winter to end, so that I will put him out in the sun for the summer. He has waited patiently since October, when he had to come it.

On the other side of the Jade plant, through the glass of the big window, on a Colorado May Day, a sea of giant sopping snowflakes works feverishly to try to blanket the high prairie with a wet spring snow.

The odds are low, but it could happen. Every few years the Winter Warlocks of the Mountains storm down to meet the Winter Witches of the High Prairie, and they leave behind a devastating landscape of snowy white destruction in May. But the ground is quite warm following several days of bright and warm high prairie spring days, and the sunlight tries heroically to break through the clouds now and then, so my money is down on the Fair Lady of Springtime to be victorious on this May Day.

Today, it is easy to visualize and feel the “spirits” of the seasons that so many people have named throughout time. The never-ceasing rhythm and undulation of the spirits as they move across a land – sharing the land as their “playground”. The cruel and relentless spirit of Winter fighting one last time to reclaim a land that has begun to explode in the beauty that lives among the swishing skirts of a fair and beautiful spirit of Spring.

Upon the landscape of this walk through life I feel the spirits of the seasons as they wrestle with one-another along my path. A springtime of joy that works hard to wrestle the path from the icy grip of a winter of depression perhaps, or a warm summer of contentment that is not ready to yield to an autumn of recollection.

My Jade plant waits patiently. He knows that his time in the sun will come again – I am certain that he feels that coming time in the deepest core of his branches. The cycle never fails – the trick is to stay in the rhythm and the harmony of the cycle that never ends.

The Balance of Beauty, Ugly, and Utility

I design and build gardens for people. It is a dream job in many ways – the ability to use as your palate beautiful plants that will evolve and grow each year.

As a result of this vocation, people often want to talk about plants, and get ideas on which plants are the “best”. Of course, as with most things, “it depends”, right?

Each plant brings its own particular beauty, expressed in many different ways. Some plants compliment one another, some will always clash. Each has its own “hardiness” for cold, or heat, or sunlight, or shade, or soil, or moisture. And of course, they each have their own “ugliness” too.

Right now I am looking out my office window at the purple Delosperma that lies drooping over my rock walls. It looks brown and dead – starkly unattractive really as the Colorado springtime is exploding in the garden around it. However, I know that by the time that June gets here, those ugly masses of drooping brown will have transformed once again into beautiful bright drapes of purple and green dressing-up the granite walls.

So, I accept this little period of ugly, knowing the beauty that is to come once again.

Our relationships with others are like this too I think. Perfection is pretty hard to find in anything – particularly in people it seems. I know that the gap between me and anything approaching perfection is too great a distance to see on the clearest of days. So, the people who are my friends, family, lovers, or whatever, must have decided that even though I have my seasons of ugly, the beauty and utility that I offer makes the ugly season worth overlooking. No accounting for that…

What is it that makes this possible – this ability to overlook the ugly season that a person displays in order to see the beauty when that season is upon us? I have to say that when I am gardening, there is truly some level of connection that I have with the plants that I put into the ground. I know that plant, and I know its many phases, and I know what it is finicky about, and I know that if I treat it right, and place it right, and assure proper care, that it will – once again – wash the garden with the beauty that I know so well.

My friends are like that too I think. It is that connection that you develop with a person that allows you to rest assured that you understand the balance of beauty and ugly and utility in this person well enough to deal with them, and to help them grow as they are meant to grow. The tighter and closer the connection is, the more in harmony we become with each other, and the thing that once seemed only ugly, can now become balance and harmony.